I will be posting another BG video hopefully later today. At the end, there’s an infographic I made illustrating the progress I’ve made on here and what changes I implemented.
My BG partner was away a lot of this recent month but when he gets back this weekend, I will get back straight to creating content, hopefully this will include longer videos, more fetishes, and some collaborations. I have several of them lined up for my visit to Los Angeles in the end of the month so I really hope you all stick around long enough to see that (more GG with an Asian girl). If you aren’t going to renew, please message me first! I appreciate it 💕
I got some mean comments today and in all honesty, it did bother me even though I know it shouldn’t. As I said before, Me not doing PPV cuts me off from what is a significant source of revenue for most creators. It’s usually appreciated if people tip on my BG videos if they enjoy it but that rarely happens, hence my “Tip $5” in my posts. I’m referring to a rude subscriber who subsequently blocked me because I corrected his mistaken assumption that I live a lavish lifestyle. I appreciate everyone who tips. From those posts every one who tips $5 gets one raffle ticket, $10 gets two, and so forth. If you tipped $5 two different times, that would be two raffle tickets. At the end of December, I will do a live stream of the winners (I’ll pick three).
Everyone asks me why I made an OnlyFans in August:
Warning: topics include suicide
I was unemployed for a long time, so long in fact I didn’t even qualify for unemployment. No jobs would give me a chance even if I was more than qualified. Due to being on the spectrum, my social skills are a bit stunted. Book stores won’t hire me even though they would greatly benefit from having me work there. I applied to so many different places from service positions to cleaning jobs. My parents are 70 and I felt I was burdening them with my existence and was ready to commit suicide. I felt the future was bleak and offered no hope for me because 1) I wouldn’t have income to support myself 2) no one would want to be with me because I don’t have work. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to finally have a source of income, rely less on my parents, and can interact with such awesome people such as yourself.
🌟 If you would be so kind as to fill this survey out for me: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/FGNGY2C
Happy Thanksgiving to my American subscribers. I am grateful for all your support; thank you. ❤️
i would deeply appreciate it if you do this survey for me:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/FGNGY2C
Even if you did it already, I would really appreciate it if you refilled it. Polls and surveys give me the data to help improve my page and make better content. If you do it, I will put you on a special list where I will send you exclusive videos from time to time.
Whoever sent this, why don’t you tell me that directly then? Feel free to unsubscribe, I don’t really care for your support. I don’t think looking “trans” is an insult because there’s plenty of beautiful trans women.
Please message me if you want conversation. My message box is flooded and it gets lost
Because I heard you liked my sweater game…
I’m glad people are opening up to me about what they’re feeling. I have accumulated a lot of experiences in this lifetime — a lot of them are ones many people will never have to go through themself (thankfully). I have a lot of emotional resources available to listen so don’t feel afraid to talk to me.
Topics that are close to home: depression, suicide, grief, eating issues, body image problems, anxiety, r a p e, bullying, depersonalization, autism, etc.
🌟 Another poll because data: Some already know so don’t answer if you do. Roughly how many subscribers do you think I have? Feel free to provide an explanation for why you think it is in the comment section.
Here’s an updated Tip Menu. I won’t be doing anything during the holidays so I will be working on all your customs. In all honesty, the reason it can take a long time is because I struggle deeply with body image issues and sometimes feel demoralized when I don’t like what I see in the mirror or on the camera and will begin to feel insecure and ugly. These are issues I’m still working on but I appreciate that you are being patient and understanding of me. I did not forget anyone — I still have you on a list if you ordered a custom so don’t worry. I got you bro.
New subscribers within 3-5 days of their subscription can get $10 off their first custom over $50. I have a loyalty program where I offer discounts to subscribers who’ve subscribed for over three months.
You can buy the full 16 min GG video for $15.
As I said before, if you cannot renew please message me first!
🌟
The Tip Wheel
$15 for one spin
$27 for two spins
$36 for three spins
The options are as follows: Masturbation Video, 1 Sexting Session, 2 Sexting Sessions, Personalized Dirty Talk Video, Custom JOI, 2 Sexting Sessions and a Masturbation Video, Custom JOI and Dirty Talk Video, GFE for a day, Affirmation or Degradation video, 1 Custom Video
—
On my Cock Ratings:
I developed a method for my cock ratings which judges by three sets of criterion on a 1-10 scale and takes two perspectives into account. I rate it by girth, length, and overall attractiveness from the “objective” framework which takes into account how that cock measures to the western cultural ideal of what makes a good cock and from the subjective point of view where I measure it according to my own personal preference. What I prefer tends to be different than the cultural standard and I explain why this is in the video rating but people tend to leave happy with how I rate because I am honest and tend to sway more toward cocks on the smaller ❤️
🔥 Tip $5 if I look cuter covered in cum 😍❤️
Here’s some shots where I look TOTALLY THRILLED about my facial.
My mom is an artist, I didn’t quite inherit her artistic abilities but I did develop an intense appreciation for artistic creativity when I see it. I view myself as fairly rigid and rational (almost to a fault), I seek the optimal method that would get the best results, not the type to really play around a bit and do some exploring. I’m fine with this part of myself because I know that’s just who I am and I can’t really change it. I usually get along best with people on the opposite side of the spectrum, the weird artistic creative types, interestingly enough.
If you’re intellectually minded as most of my subscribers are, I want to introduce you to a creator friend who I highly regard in terms of her intelligence, unique creativity, overall, she’s just a great person who I am glad to have gotten to know from Onlyfans. I’m actually visiting her later next month as well so we can have some more cute girl collabs. ;-)
What I really like about her page is it feels like something I would say or do if I had that particular spirit or disposition. Her page is different than mine but I still resonate with a lot of what she puts out there. I really would love it if you would take the time to read what she has to say.
🌟 Her account is: @nastyavalentine
If you do decide to subscribe (which I highly recommend. I paid for a three month bundle myself), feel free to tell her that I sent you. 💕
Her bundle is on sale for $18 for three months. Don’t miss it ❤️
Her writing is as follows:
—
“I don't mind being objectified - in fact I like being the object of your fantasy*. hell, I objectify myself all the time. I love being the digital projection of your cyberhorny desires. I love hearing about your fetishes and bringing them to life. I love that you think I'm hot and I kind of am in consistent disbelief that people find me attractive. it's all very Baudrillardian and hyperreal. in the words of Rachael from Blade Runner, I'm not in the business, I am the business. I am the fantasy. I am the product. however there is a difference between being objectified and being dehumanized. it's strange detangling a passion project that intersects with being a service job. and much like in the real world where there are assholes who fail to tip waitstaff or are assholes to valets/baristas/servers/nurses, there are such people here who fail to consider that underneath my thigh highs and elven anime tits I am simply a person with feelings, goals, desires, good days, bad days, just trying to exist in this fucked up dystopian world. just trying to make some juicy art and make some filthy conceptual porn lol 😂
in February I started working very loosely on a thesis that I wish to get academically published, that pertains to the metaphysics of doing online SW and my experience of only fans in particular. and don't worry - if this thesis cums to fruition I will not cite any specific interactions because that is all private between us, i respect your privacy as I expect you to do mine, and the whole point of this piece of writing is to explore my being on here conceptually, existentially, ontologically. this has more to do with me trying to create clarity out of chaos on a bigger level, using only fans as my artistic medium. all I mainly want is to make sense of my life and heal my traumas through art and introspection.
every year my art practice takes on a different path; last year I made an album (I'm still making music this year but nothing released publicly yet); in 2019 and 2018 I made experimental films; this year I feel called to write, and I consider OF a complete art form all in itself, so this thesis would dovetail my passions quite elegantly (or so I hope lol).
truthfully I haven't worked on it too much because I find my creativity derailed by depression, but every once in a while I will have a writing spurt and an a-ha moment and totally violate my notebook or fuck shit up on notes app lol. I occasionally will post long form essays (?) like this on this one over here too - shockingly some of you enjoy them which is why my crazy ass continues to free associate up in this bitch.
yes income is very important to me, and of course I want to make a living, I am immensely immensely thankful to y'all who contribute to me. my trajectory as an obscure artist to someone who can pay my rent with this is not something I take for granted - but notwithstanding in the grander picture I think a lot of people miss the point of why I personally do this. the last thing I want is to keep explaining myself. I resent doing that, I prefer my art to be interpreted by the viewer. however when my work is so intimately tied to my body and personality, I too often feel the need to explain myself. I kind of go back and forth on that - I think in the near future I will make a pinned post about the mechanics of my profile, a more comprehensive tip menu, links to my past films for those who wish to see, etc.
I don't know the longevity of how long I will continue. I wish to do this for as long as possible, but if it gets not fun for me anymore, then I see no point. for the near future tho as far as I can see, I still love it 💗 it's just isolated days/episodes that get exhausting. do you ever get frustrated at work? yeah, same. but thankfully it's only temporary, just a moment in time.
my goal is to have this thesis finished, at least in a long outline form, by the end of the year. with the demotivation that comes with my depression I may have to give myself an extension into 2022, but I also know that when I'm truly inspired I work very fast. like Sonic lol 😂 💙 I see a lot of creators making stuff like "this is how I got successful on OF" "these are the formulaic instructions on how to become a top creator" etc. and while I think yesss get that bag sis, I think a lot of those posts are cringe and bunch of bullshit and emotionally masturbatory and full of ego; there's a lot of dark psychological undercurrent that gets left out of the conversation. maybe it's because I think of things in a very dense and obtuse and academic way (of course I would be the fucking bitch to make only fans pretentious lmao - someone called me " a mix of Riley Reid and Sylvia Plath" recently and I am actually flattered by that) 💗 or maybe it is because I'm jealous of the 18 years old who make 20k a month on those formulaic promotional strategies and basic nudes lol - I believe if I followed a formula to completion and really studied the market, taking 10-12hrs out of my day to suck the algorithm's dick, I could have a very high amount of success and subscribers. however, I would rather cater to my niche and feel the freedom of posting the type of content that's true to my vision, some of it maybe being more generic and pornographic, others more obscure and conceptual. I hate marketing and advertising. the people who need to find me will find me and it will be aligned. when I look back at the end of my life I want to be proud of putting my heart and soul into my work (art, porn, writing, existing, whatever) and I always say this to myself, I want to be eternal instead of trendy.
Contemporary society is such that most people will gravitate towards what is easily digestible. My content veers into the lines of pain which may not be comfortable for people to read. But I believe this will be eye opening for some about the psychology of the parasocial phenomenon and the cyberhorny experience.”
🌟 If you cannot renew for the next month, please message me before then? That would mean a lot to me. Thanks! 😍
Lol sorry responding this because I forgot to attach pictures to the original post. Feel free to comment what you did in the previous post. Hah
Someone wrote this to me about onlyfans being transactional friendship:
“ Any transactional relationship where the product is another relationship is inherently inauthentic, because the expected behaviours for intrinsically and extrinsically motivated behaviours coincide.
In other words, if I would pay someone (or any non-financial transaction as well!) to be my friend, I should in theory not be able to judge if they are my friend because they want to be or because I paid them. Their behaviour should indicate the former (this is part of being a friend), but I should by default expect the latter.”
🌟 My response: That’s where you’re wrong. They’re not paying for a relationship with me. They’re paying for sexual content. I gladly make myself available as a friend on my own. I don’t feel obligated to listen to their problems — I do it because I want to and I desire to improve their emotional well being. I don’t feel any obligation to respond to messages but do it because I enjoy long discussions with people. I am not in a transactional contract to talk to them — I am transactional you obligated to provide sexual content. No one is paying me to be their friend.
Do you really think anyone in our society is authentic outside of onlyfans? Do you truly believe most friendships are not transactional and are based on some pure magical substance of unconditional love? Almost all friendships on a fundamental level are transactional, you have expectations of each other and if you fail to fulfill them a number of times, the friendship will fall apart. This search for authenticity is a fool’s errand — you won’t find it anywhere.
I do however try to make my Onlyfans page as authentic as possible, I try to make it a space where people can explore taboo subjects without fear of judgment or seek emotional support when they really need it.
Hope you enjoy this video of me doing nothing In particular except staring at the camera. 🥺💕
If you enjoy sexting with me, I offer a package deal now:
1 Session = until you cum (within reason)
1 Session: $25
pictures & audio + $5
3 Sexting Sessions: $60
pictures & audio +5
5 Sexting Sessions: $100
pictures & audio +10
—
Cock narrative is $10 off for new subscribers (customs over $50)
🔥 Tip $5 if you like my sweaters 🥺🥺 this is kinda an idea of how I normally dress
🌟 Followup Poll to the question: Should I post more frequently, knowing that each post will have fewer photos and probably only one writing dump per day? If so, how many?
This is kinda why I don’t ask other creators for advice or look to this subreddit for tips. In what world is selling a 1 min fucking clip for $25 while having a $20 subscription fee acceptable? Why didn’t anyone in the comments say, hey look, that’s a bit pricy for a 1 min clip and not including the fact you have such a high subscription cost which should have these types of clips Included. If a 1 min fucking clip isn’t included in a $20 subscription service then what is? At that point, it’s just a more exclusive expensive Instagram. All the comments were just yassssss Queen, reaffirming that she charges what she’s worth etc. I tend to get downvoted for voicing reality and saying, yeah sure you can price what you’re worth but that’s probably not going to help you make money. I can’t see any OF profile being worth $15 or more — maybe if the account had multiple girls fucking in the videos, idk. I just feel there’s a psychological barrier that prevents people from paying a certain amount for what is essentially porn.
The other screenshot is someone shocked that I said $18 is a high subscription price. You have to take into account that people will be following other accounts not just your own… yes, $18 is a lot to spend on a monthly subscription, especially if there’s PPV. Creators say they hate when subscribers try to tell them how to run their page, but maybe they’re right? Wouldn’t you rather listen to the people who pay your bills?
🌟Poll: Would you sub to an OF with a subscription price at or over $20?
I included pictures of my kitten Kira 🥰
🔥 Feel free to tip if you want to help get her a kitty condo!!
🔥 Tip $5 if you think me and my kitten are cute together 🥰❤️
If you decide not to rebill, can you at least let me know? I get attached and sad when a person I was getting to know and having good conversations with decides not to rebill. Makes me feel im not measuring up or good enough :(
🌟 You know one of my favorite things is data collection so here’s another poll: Should i post more frequently, knowing that each post will have fewer photos and probably only one writing dump per day?
🌟 When the potential porn ban came out, did you make a f a n s l y
🔥 Tip $5 if you are interested in the topic of Artificial Intelligence and want me to write more about it. 💕🗒
Thought I would post some stuff about artificial intelligence because I have a subscriber that is a philosophy graduate student and studies this stuff for his research. If you’re a graduate student and study something cool, share it with me. Even if you don’t study it formally, share with me your hobbies and interest. I would love to hear about it.
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With morality, comes the conditions in which an individual can act morally. One of the conditions is autonomy. Can a machine be autonomous in the way that we expect natural persons to be or is there a distinct way in which they exercise this type of autonomy that potentially can make them culpable for their actions? An AI is viewed as a tool that is programmed with a set of functions and can only act within the bounds of the orders programmed inside it. Programming an AI that is autonomous would be beneficial because it would be able to make decisions apart from the constant input of a programmer. One of the reasons is that in many circumstances, the physical and mental abilities of human beings are substantially limited compared to that of a programmed machine. For example, a somewhat autonomous agent wouldn't stall when a decision has to be made, which could be highly important in situations where time is limited, like if you have an autopilot that needs to decide how to crash a plane.
An AI can be taught how to be a moral agent in the same way, a c h I I l l d is taught ethical principles that shape their behavior. This all boils down to the realm of knowledge acquisition and what type of functions should the programmers bear in mind when developing the machine’s learning processes when making decisions in response to its environment. Will they be designed to learn what is a moral or immoral decision? If so, will they learn it on their own or from a human teacher? In machine learning, there is a distinction between supervised and unsupervised learning. In this case, supervised learning would entail a human "teacher" evaluating an AI's decisions as moral or immoral, and then the AI would learn what is moral from the results it gets from the teacher. Otherwise, with unsupervised learning, the AI would have to figure out for itself what is a moral decision.
How does that translate into teaching a machine right from wrong? Computer Scientists use neural networks to build a system that is modeled like the human brain. When we use neural networks, we have millions of randomized parameters which are gradually refined as the network learns. These networks are combined in such a way where you cannot explain in english why it decides to do what it does, all you can do is understand the mechanism by which one is created. A human brain however could not hold the algorithm the neural network describes in his or her head because of its large size. For example, if you were to have a neural network to classify english letters based on an image. The only parameters you would get are either "this pixel is on" and "this pixel is off" for every pixel in the image, and then the neural net is basically a giant boolean string of those parameters. Ideally morality would have tunable success parameters that we can use to train the algorithm through a combination of supervised and unsupervised learning techniques.
Feel free to share your thoughts
Tonight I’m offering $5 dollars off a custom if ordered today. (No masturbation customs accepted at the moment). Cock Ratings are fun because I have a method for it which ensures both honesty and the recipient feeling validated.
If you’re a new sub within 3-5 days, you get $10 off your first custom over $50 + today’s $5 off ($15 off total).
You can also buy the full 16 min GGB for $15.
So I’m a loser and made this graphic yesterday for no good reason other than sheer boredom.
🔥 Tip $5 if you like my graphics I made and agree with the above principles I outlined in them 🥰
🌟 Another Poll: Would you like more interaction with me? I can see who answers what in polls so I will use this information accordingly.
Remember, if I send a Mass DM, I will say so explicitly, which means every message I send is directly from me and personally sent to you. I usually choose who to message based on their online status.
A lot of creators mistakenly think you need PPV to be successful on OF (Some PPV is not bad, only if PPV floods over your actual content on your feed). I like to show people you don’t need PPV and can post full length videos and gain some success on Onlyfans. I find it strange that creators get upset when subscribers try to give them advice on their page, I got rid of PPV (when I first started, I mistakenly believed it was just a given) because of the advice of a subscriber and I have been better off for it. I think creators need to listen to subscribers more on how to run their page — I always open to hearing what you have to say about my page and what you’d like to see more of. I find subscribers an indispensable collaborative partner in this respect, hence my reason for making so many damn polls.
Here‘s the list illustrated in the graphic:
The way to maintain subscribers is by consistently producing high value content.
Don’t underestimate the value of personality & intelligence as crucial factors in sexual attraction.
PPV does not help you gain or maintain subscribers. A paid service should offer worthwhile content, not opportunities to buy more of it.
Honesty & authenticity is good for business. Act ethically in all your business dealings.
Perceive subscribers on a personal level regardless of whether they tip.
Make your content worth renewing for.
🔥 I have a wishlist if you are feeling generous and love me 🥰 https://jointhrone.com/u/katarinaishii
Will be sending a 2 min video of a different GG video to all those who rebill into the next month so if you haven’t, change your rebill settings.
🌟 Cock Rating Narratives — $5 off only tonight
— you can add the following discounts onto it
$10 off for new subscribers ($15 off)
$15 off for subscribers subscribed over two months ($20 off)
💕I get insecure so if you like a custom I made you, please tell me ! 🥺💕
I hear a lot of complaints that Onlyfans changed the landscape of NSFW subreddits for the worst, as in people aren’t posting quality content for the sake of the subreddit but simply to advertise their onlyfans. Reddit has definitely been my main source of advertising, one of the only places left where you’re allowed to post NSFW content other than a straight up porn site. I try to always post in relevant subreddits though, never spam the same picture & caption indiscriminately as I see some do. I sometimes wonder if their strategy works because if they keep doing it, there must be some gain to be hard or they would stop doing it altogether.
🌟 What are your thoughts on how Onlyfans changed NSFW Reddit? What are annoying things onlyfans creators do on Reddit? If you can, please explain your answers in the comment section!
A screenshot and some no makeup selfies with my chill clothes.
I love it when I have to read these same tired old antiquated opinions alongside their persistent name calling. I do wonder whether this is something they actually get off to… confirming their statement? They didn’t say a statement that can be confirmed or denied — all they did was call me a mean name which has no real truth value. If you want to know the hardest part about having an OF, it’s dealing with the stigma and constantly feeling you have to justify yourself and what you’re doing. I know I don’t need to but I sometimes feel I do.
💕 Will get through customs this weekend! Will add a special surprise for lateness
🔥 if you have any ideas for what I can blog about on my website, I’d like to hear them www.katarinaishii.com
🌟 I have a wishlist if you are ever feeling generous 🥺💕https://jointhrone.com/u/katarinaishii
Guessing my age can be difficult. Feel free to guess but I probably won’t tell you if you’re right. ;-)
So this is an idea: this is my favorite place to shop for clothes https://www.dollskill.com/
What types of clothes from here do you like and think would look good on me? If you get me something, I can make you a custom in it. :-)
I have my very own website now. I’m more professional. :-) it’s katarinaishii.com 😌
🌟 If you want the unedited versions of my BG and GG content, it’s a flat rate of $15 — the original GG is 16 minutes. It’s cut down to 8 min which I will be posting at 19:00 Eastern.
I have some time in the next couple hours: I can take $5 off a custom — if you’re a new sub within the last three days, you get that plus your $10 off (any custom over $50).
3-5 min personalized audio recording of me detailing what I want to do to you — $15
5 min personalized video of me stripping and detailing what I want to do to you — $45
Possible additions: Raceplay, Submissive Asian, Breeding, , Degradation, FemDom for + 5
For the Cock Rating Narrative: if bought separately, the total cost amounts to $75. If you buy all 3 it’s $65 💕if you’re a new subscriber within 3-5 days, you have $10 off any custom over $50.
1. Detailed Cock Rating: the saga begins with a standard honest dick rating with the criterion being girth, length, and overall attractiveness and from both the objective and subjective perspective on a scale from 1-10 ($30)
2. Detailed narrative of what I would like to do to your cock with my mouth: just as it sounds, I will describe in vivid detail how I would want to gag on your cock and alongside will provide a visual example using a phallic object ($25).
3. Detailed account of how I would like to be fucked by your cock: I will illustrate my innermost desires in regards to how I would want to be fucked by your cock ($20)
4. How a girl friend and I would service it together: I will describe a scene of how a female friend and I would both service your cock (free bonus)
Will be finally posting the GGB Video later at 19:00 eastern.
🔥 Tip $10 if you like the idea of me cum kissing a girl 😉💕
🌟 Original video is 16 min long. The edited version is 8. If you want the original, tip $15 and I would have to send you a drop box link with other unedited cuts. ❤️
🔥 Tip $5 if you don’t think I need any makeup to be beautiful 🥺💕
🌟Tip $15 if you want to see more content without makeup
I actually mainly put on makeup because it emphasizes my Asian features. I feel I just look really white without makeup
🔥 Tip $5 if you think I’m a nice girl who you would totally take on a date ☺️
🌟 Tip $10 if you think I’m the type of girl you’d wife up
💕 Tip $20 if I’m waifu material 😳 special surprise for those who choose this ;-)
I got the new microphone so yay, higher quality audio for customs. If we’ve had conversations before, please message me because I can’t see all the stuff that’s in my inbox.
This is my Cock Rating Narrative:
If bought separately, the total cost amounts to $75. If you buy all 3 it’s $65 💕if you’re a new subscriber within 3-5 days, you have $10 off any custom over $50.
1. Detailed Cock Rating: the saga begins with a standard honest dick rating with the criterion being girth, length, and overall attractiveness and from both the objective and subjective perspective on a scale from 1-10 ($30)
2. Detailed narrative of what I would like to do to your cock with my mouth: just as it sounds, I will describe in vivid detail how I would want to gag on your cock and alongside will provide a visual example using a phallic object ($25).
3. Detailed account of how I would like to be fucked by your cock: I will illustrate my innermost desires in regards to how I would want to be fucked by your cock ($20)
4. How a girl friend and I would service it together: I will describe a scene of how a female friend and I would both service your cock (free bonus)
On my Cock Ratings:
I developed a method for my cock ratings which judges by three sets of criterion on a 1-10 scale and takes two perspectives into account. I rate it by girth, length, and overall attractiveness from the “objective” framework which takes into account how that cock measures to the western cultural ideal of what makes a good cock and from the subjective point of view where I measure it according to my own personal preference.
I explore in this 5 min video the social constructed nature of “ideal cock size” and how it measures up against a normal woman’s preference. What I prefer tends to be different than the cultural standard and I explain why this is in the video rating but people tend to leave happy with how I rate because I am honest and tend to sway more toward cocks on the smaller size.
🔥 Tip $5 if you think I have OP tits and want to support a recently unemployed philosopher ❤️
🌟 I am taking customs for this offer only tonight. Let me know if you want it tonight or want me to wait till I get my fancy microphone tomorrow.
3-5 min personalized audio recording of me detailing what I want to do to you — $15
5 min personalized video of me detailing what I want to do to you — $35
Possible additions: Raceplay, Submissive Asian, Breeding, , Degradation, FemDom for + 5
Found these fire nudes I took a couple years back. Weirdly enough, I never actually sent these to anyone. I think I was just bored or something.
🌟 On Mass Shootings and those who commit them (Part 1)
I just turned 21, when 20 year old Adam Lanza stormed Sandy Hook murdering 27 people, including 20 first graders in 2012. The Aurora theatre shooting only a couple months past, was still fresh in my mind which caused me to not feel emotionally shocked by the events that occurred that day. I almost rolled my eyes at the thought that another suicidal individual decided they wanted to go out with a bang at the expense of precious lives. Murder-Suicide in this extreme form has a logic of its own. Although this logic may be twisted and ineffable to the average person, it’s logic nonetheless. The rationale behind mass murder begins with the desire to preserve some kind of legacy in history which is a defining characteristic of human nature. Similar to our evolution through natural selection where at a basic fundamental level, we as individual humans want to preserve our life and by that token, also our genetics. This instinct leads us to the desire to protect our immediate family unit, then our community, our state, our country, and so forth. Man’s desire for immortality in the form of historical preservation was an important human adaption in the process of our evolution. It was most likely the impetus to the creation of art and writing. To put it simply: we want to be remembered, we want our ideas to flourish through the ephemerality of time, it’s natural to not want to leave the earth without having first made our special imprint upon it.
Regrettably, positive legacies are difficult to come by; it’s much easier to aim for notoriety where all that is needed is a rifle and homicidal intent. It’s absurdly easy actually, to the point where mass shootings have increased enormously since the unfortunate legacy Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold bequeathed upon the world when they entered Columbine, armed and ready in 1999. As much as brutally slaughtering as many of their classmates as possible was their prime objective, so was the end goal, suicide. In my opinion, their suicidal thoughts were most-likely the driving force that impelled them to mass-homicide. From their perspective it’s a win-win scenario where they can both commit suicide but have some fun before doing it! It’s difficult to imagine a person’s murderous urges being so unmanageable to the point where they truly can’t help themselves but to kill large amounts of people.
For majority of cases, the reasons behind the action can usually be reduced to: suicidal intent and desire for notoriety (of course I am not saying this is true of all cases nor am I inferring there are no other motivating factors outside of these underlying reasons. I am simply stating what I believe to be the most plausible explanation for why individuals decide to commit a mass shooting. We may never know for certain why they do what they do, but we can make some reasonable conjectures as to why if we consider our present knowledge of what we believe is a component of human nature (establishing a legacy of some sort) and the ease by which this can be achieved from a suicidal standpoint (or even from the perspective of a person who isn’t particularly suicidal but is okay with their fate of serving a life sentence in prison and achieving the goal of infamy or the mass circulation of their ideology such as Brenton Tarrant’s toxic anti-Muslim rhetoric.) The purposes of committing mass murder is different than say, murdering an individual because there is no act of concealment by the shooter, part of its premeditation is in the expectation that they will be inevitably caught but that is just accepted as part of the bargain they made with the devil.
From here there are only two paths remaining for the shooter: suicide (which can arguably gain him more of a “legacy” because he ended his life on his own terms and leaves the world with a cloud of mystery. Of course the downside of this is they won’t be able to relish in what they perceive as the glorious aftermath of their shooting. I’m sure If Adam was still alive, he would be satisfied by him claiming a top spot in the ranking of being one of the worst mass shootings) or accept the ultimate fate of life long incarceration (on the bright side, they amass fangirls on tumblr and can reap the psychological fruits of their destruction — self-congratulation of a job well done I say!). Nikolas Cruz brought a mask with him during the shooting but decided fuck it, there’s no point in concealing his identity because he will either commit suicide after or get caught anyways.
A factor that was not mentioned but is equally important is the impact of anger on the murderous mind. After all, the instinct inherent in the emotion of anger is physical retaliation. However, for my purposes, I will subsume anger as a contributing factor under the moral principles the shooter upheld such as Elliot Roger and Seung-Hui Cho’s resentment and sense of entitlement. Note that Dylan Klebold was wearing a shirt that read, “wrath”. I don’t attribute anger as being a crucial motivator in itself because most of these shootings are highly premeditated, intricately planned out in advance and not the result of a passionate outburst. Of course, we can acknowledge the shooters are in general angry people and this anger they experience is a contributing element to their murderous incentive. I am simply minimizing the significance anger plays as being the dominant incentive that impels the shooter to go through with their plans. Much of the American population has both anger issues and possesses firearms. Although the perpetrator and common population of angry people share this in common, they don’t commit mass shootings. Why? There must be a distinct set of characteristics that differentiates the two.
Good news! I bought a new fancy microphone so the customs will have increased enormously in audio quality. If you are still waiting for a custom, I’m probably redoing it so it can sound better. I want to provide the best. Yay!!
