Hey guys, sorry to put this all on here but I really feel li..
Added 2023-06-27 18:42:31 +0000 UTCHey guys, sorry to put this all on here but I really feel like something is wrong and I don’t know what it is anymore. One day it’s because I’m lonely, then it’s because my content sucks, it’s so exhausting — not to mention the manic spending sprees, impulsive decision making, suddenly feeling like everything is fine and then crashing hours later. I just can’t regulate my mood and it’s so exhausting. I want to cam, i wanna stream, i wanna make friends in this community but my mental health is so exhausting that i can’t exist properly. It always feels like I’m just being half of myself at a time, it’s so unfair and I feel like I don’t even know who I am honestly. Getting cheated on didn’t help either, I was/am constantly comparing myself to other models, maybe even more so now. I don’t want to quit, I’m just tired. I feel like I’m constantly fighting myself: my thoughts, my feelings, etc. I wish it would just stop, there’s so many things I’m thinking about and I really do just wish it would stop. I’ve been taking my medicine, going to my psychiatrist appointments (so fucking clinical btw i hate it), starting therapy (i know i just started and i need to give it time). It’s just what more can I do? when will I stop thinking and obsessing over everything, I just want it to be quiet so I can properly enjoy my life. aside from this i’m sorry i can’t make perfect content, i’m still learning. i’m sorry i don’t offer customs, i’m sorry i haven’t sold my clothes and things yet, i’m really trying. this is as well as i can function right now. anyways, i’m gonna take a week or two to try to figure out somethings i can do to make myself feel better about my work. i really love making porn, i just wish i could make it better so i’m really gonna try to. i’m sorry if that effects my posting schedule (so far i’ve got posts until August 15th or so i believe). sorry for the long post i legit don’t have anyone to talk to and my brain feels like shit tldr: i suck, i wanna be better but my brain is bad so i’m gonna rest for a week or two! <3
